Thursday, July 30, 2009

Why is it that sometimes 24 hours seem too less for me to do everything that I have to do? Ya, I have heard about time management but I really cant figure out what it is simply because all the things that I have to do seem equally important or is it that I am simply too confused to sort out my priorities?

I was secretly hoping that the companies would not come for campus recruitment so soon.. Well partly because it would give me more time to prepare and mostly because it would be one thing I would not have had to worry about until late in the year. Until now, only one company has come.. Amazon. I think I was too frivolous about it. The written test was quite easy, nothing I could not have cracked had I been strong in my basics which I was obviously not. It didn't bother me much at that time, I even joked about forgetting things so simple but it was only when I came home that fear struck me... I imagined the situation I would be in if I took all tests this lightly.I think I have only myself to blame if that situation comes. Being stuck without a job scares me even though taking up a job is my last priority. I seriously have to pay more attention.

I am also writing my GRE exam this August. I have hardly a month to go and I think I am beginning to freak out slightly. Verbal , I could manage perhaps but Quants scares me always. I am better now with all the tests I have been doing but I dont know how the actual exam will be. Sometimes I think I am getting overconfident about verbal which scares me because I know I will be very disappointed if I dont do well in verbal not to mention a whole lot of other people who think I can ace verbal. This is something I want with all my heart and I would regret it all my life if I missed this opportunity.

I am writing CAT too and for now the preparations for it have been put in cold storage. The whole focus for the next few weeks is GRE but then I cant really ignore CAT too. I know people prepare for two years sometimes even longer before they attempt it and I know of people who have been writing it again and again in hope of getting that coveted IIM-A call. I am not sure if I will be that persistent at CAT and I want to do well in my first attempt. But atleast I can worry about it a little later.

Sometimes I wonder if I want everything and all at once but then I don't want to lose out on anything because I didn't even give it a try.

Last but not the least my internal assessments coming up next week. I wonder if I should really take it seriously this time.I know GRE is more important now but I wont be able to resist doing two things at once. And if I prepare for assessments its going to eat up lot of my GRE prep time and the end of assessments is going to leave me just a week from GRE exam date and assessment weeks always seem to move very very fast :( Even speaking about this makes me want to run away somewhere..

Really really hoping for the best...

Until next time,
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination." -Tommy Lasorda

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I have been re reading my previous post and I wondered why on earth I wrote such a long post about school when that was not my intention at all. I didnt like my last post myself :( There were things that I wanted to say and somehow the whole post just ended up as too sentimental and nostalgia went a bit overboard. Hoping this post ll be better...

As I was saying in the previous post (believe it or not I covered only half my twelfth standard !!) elections were just over. I hardly remember what the next few months were like. Everything was a blur of tests. Soon enough, all the portions were over and it was time for the revision tests to begin. A few weeks before our half yearly exams were due to begin, we had our last P.T period. The teacher was unusually lenient and she left us to do what we liked. We just wandered around in groups and the period was almost over. I suppose thats when it suddenly struck everyone that we would never ever be as free again. Maybe we would have more freedom but undoubtedly it would come with the loss of innocence and in a sense we were stepping out of our safe shell...

And so, we all gathered around and I have no idea how it happened but we ended up singing a song about friendship( It was "Mustafa Mustafa" song and hearing that song even today reminds me of that day in school). Well, now it seems sort of childish to even say we did that and actually I was pretty embarassed even then but even so it was one of the most moving things I have ever experienced. No one cared that the bell rang and that we were supposed to be back in class for a test. I still remember walking back knowing that we would all grow different once we moved away and realising that things wont be the same anymore

Exams and what happened after that are a whole different story altogether. The things I miss most about school are many but if I had to mention something in particular it is this...when all that I had to worry about was if I would do well in my next test..I really miss that simple existence..but all the same, as Albus Dumbledore says "It doesn't do to dwell on memories".. but once in a while it is nice to look back and think about the things that were...

Until next time,
"When you miss something very much and you know you cant have it back, dont cry about it.. instead smile and be thankful that they happened"

Saturday, July 25, 2009

When people told me not to worry because school life was over and that the college years would be the best years of anyone's life,I remember looking at them as if they were mad. At that time it all seemed like a whole lot of just talk and nothing else. I had just finished school and I could not ever imagine how I could experience something more wonderful than my school. To be frank I have no idea what I did in school until my twelfth standard. And to think school was what I did for the longest part of my life. Fourteen years in the same school.. I have never thought much about it until I heard people say "Oh.. You are so lucky. I had to keep changing schools and there were friends I missed by changing schools".Frankly all this talk perplexed me because I didnt have a whole big gang of friends to show for my long years in the same school.

I made a few close friends and they mean a lot to me even now. Time and distance has not changed how I feel about them. They were people who could read my thoughts and find out why I was upset without me ever telling them. I never realised how big a thing that was until it was time to leave school. My final year in school was the one that created the memories that I treasure the most. It was hectic no doubt, what with running from tuition center to center writing tests, rushing to school and writing the same tests. It all seems a blur now.

Inspite of the hectic schedule, I had a few good laughs. I hated P.T period up until then but during that year I was one of the people who was most disappointed when P.T periods would get cancelled invariably because we had another test to write. I grew to love throwball. The thrill of judging where exactly to throw the ball, the elation that I felt when I scored a point,the feeling of happiness when we won a game and most importantly the camaraderie of a team were different things altogether. It was then that I really regretted for not getting involved in a sport. I realised that sports gave you a sense of fulfillment not unlike the heady feeling you get when you know that you have got the first rank!!! Just kidding....

Thinking about the sense of responsibility that I felt when our school principal called us at the beginning of the academic year and asked us to behave with dignity and remember that we were the "seniormost" in the school brings a smile to my lips. It seems so childish now. As if I was going to be responsible for the whole school.. Really childish..

The school elections, thats another thing I ll never ever forget in my whole life. The frentic activity for two days was something I enjoyed to the core of my heart. Eagerly waiting to find out who the nominees were, preparing charts upon charts thinking of words to write on them all the time, walking the corridors as if we owned them, putting up the charts making sure not even a single cellotape was in the wrong place and the best part of them all-campaigning. Empty bottles were in great demand then and so were whistles.. Both the students and teachers couldn't wait until the interval bell rang- well, we wanted to rush out into the corridors and shout ourselves hoarse and the teachers, I used to think they just wanted to escape the corridors before we started our campaigning..I wonder if they didnt have hearing problems later :)

I was never a big fan of shouting myself but I enjoyed watching the shouting very much. I loved putting up charts working out what we should do, how we should campaign... No wonder politics is such a lure for people. If a simple school election was this exciting what about real ones then? It really got me thinking.. Anyway the election day came. The prospect of a period getting cut and the prospect of voting.. I dont remember which excited me more :) and so all the votes were cast complete with the ink mark on fingers( Must have been Bril or Camlin ink.. I really cant remember and I still wonder!! But it did stay on for a day I think...)

The anticipation was literally killing. Lunch was over and results were expected any moment. All of us kept looking at the intercom hoping that the voice of our principal will come out of it any second to announce results. Teachers grew tired of asking us to listen to class. Finally the much anticipated results came and the screaming and shouting was unbelievable. The student I had wanted to win was elected the school pupil leader,SPL as we liked to say. It was a wonderful moment being part of something that big.

We even had the inaguration of our school parliament. The SPL,ASPL, the speaker, deputy speaker, sports minister and other assorted posts. Talking about this reminds me of my school magazine. I had promised myself I will keep it forever. Somehow I think I lost it.It would be nice to see those pictures again.

The oath taking ceremony was truly something inspiring for me at that time. To be in a position of power, more than power it was responsibility that interested me, to know that people came to you for answers and the confidence that you could somehow make a difference were things that I wanted for myself then and maybe even now but in a more mature and wise way than what I felt at that time. Back then I wanted to change the world, now I just want to make a difference in whatever way I can. Not too ambitious. As I am writing this I think wanting to change the world is fine but then I haven't done anything until now. Nothing to show that I want to make a difference. Well, wanting is never doing. It doesn't do to sit and dream while the whole world races ahead. I don't want to live a life which revolves only around me and my family. One day soon I hope I will have something to say about what I did and not what I thought of doing.

I have digressed from my point far enough I think.. but its just that talking about how I was makes me feel sad, happy and very lost at the same time. I am not the person that I once was and I am still trying to figure out if that is a good thing or a bad thing. All the same I would love to continue sharing my experiences but I guess I ll have to save it for the next post. I didnt know I had so much to tell and just so you know, I did try to write a short post!!

Until next time,
"Memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely.."